hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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