So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
