He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
