How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
