Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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