I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
