I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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