My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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