just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
