help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
