Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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