so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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