He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
