I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
