finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
