He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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