also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
