Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
