Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
