I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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