Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.