hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
apparently the secret to your success is patron
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.