apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.