oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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