Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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