Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I AM VODKA MAN
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
