apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
