The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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