my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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