I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
