A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
