Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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