Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
