why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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