i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
