is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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