I just saw a hot homeless man
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
