it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize