Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
