Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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