i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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