she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize