That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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