I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
