She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
