She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
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Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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