right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
