The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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