I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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