He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
