he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
