Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
