Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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