My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
