Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
