I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
