True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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