Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
