Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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