"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
