grandma shit on top of the toilet
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize