I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize