how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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