I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
